Saturday, July 01, 2006

A fragrant fleet

I have hardly ever had a friend or a foe who hasnt taught me a thing or two. But there are others still who I have hardly known but yet did not fail to leave a mark on me. These people have blown into my life and darted out of it as I only stood looking... but not without leaving their fragrance behind... forever. A tribute to them and to those moments.

You may not remember me
I must be one of a thousand.
I cannot forget thee
The fragrance has not weakened.

You stirred me, you swayed me,
But you will never know.
It is something I truly felt
But never told you so.

My memories dont summon you often.
You dont make my everyday.
But you will make a story that
My children will know some day.

You wont fly into me again,
For that I dont feel sorry.
I know you blew away for
You were never meant to be.

9 comments:

hybrid said...

great poem there;)
i like it a lot:)

PRITZ said...

hmm...u write some good poems on the whole....good ones ! really i appreciate ur writing abilities..

PRITZ said...

hmm...u write some good poems on the whole....good ones ! really i appreciate ur writing abilities..

Sarav said...

Hmm... blogging after a long time eh.
Nice poem ma. Keep them coming.

Anonymous said...

Hey I can so relate to your poem..
it ws like putting words to my
thoughts
jus a stranger

Harini Sridharan said...

Thanks, all :-)

Anonymous said...

so true :)
good poem

~svk

With My Wife's Permission said...

You may not reminisce me
For I was one in a thousand.
I can not erase thee,
For you were the one amidst the thousand.
(For thy fragrance still lingers) <--- Weak line

Your passage swayed me,
Yet you will never know.
For it is what I truly felt,
Yet never could tell you so.

My thoughts often don't summon your essence,
Yet my conscience longs for your presence.
Though you dont't make my everyday,
Your story will make my children's day.

You may never fly past me again,
For which I never regret,
You flew away, for
You were never mine to be.

Your thought is great, but as I feel your poetry could have more contrast. Similar to ghazals - where in the negativity is followed by positivity.

'Yet' is a better word than 'But'. 'But' signifies a stoppage in a sentence - 'Yet' in most senses conveys the divergence and continuity.

Try some words of Shakespear, usually gets more rythm.

"You stirred me, you swayed me," The whole poem you had one thought in one line, but this line had 2 thoughts in one. Breaks the flow.

"You wont fly into me again,", negativity need not be always absolute hence "You *may* never fly past me again," Positivity should be absolute.


Just an honest opinion. To be taken with a pinch of salt and lots of sugar.

Harini Sridharan said...

'with my wife's permission', I really appreciate your comments. Thanks a lot for taking the time!